| Photographers: Dealing With Divorced Parents at the | | | | - On the other hand, if the bride/groom invite their |
| Wedding | | | | parents (or the parents' new spouses) to the |
| I had a beginning photographer send me an e-mail | | | | wedding, I'll usually end up taking pictures of them |
| with this question: | | | | because they are there. |
| "I am photographing a wedding this month and will be | | | | - I try to be as conciliatory as possible during the |
| dealing with divorced parents/step-parents. There is | | | | photos. As I alluded to earlier: I don't want to be the |
| animosity between the divorced parents and the | | | | one making a bad situation worse. I want to be |
| children involved. When doing the formal photos how | | | | known as the person who tried to make the best of |
| do you deal with this type of situation. The bride | | | | any situation! |
| says she only wants a picture of her and her mother. | | | | - It has been very common at the weddings I've |
| She does not want the mother in the formal family | | | | done which involve divorced parents for the divorced |
| pictures. Suggestions???" | | | | parents to be willing to be in a combined photo with |
| Divorces are tragic and heart-rending. A wedding is a | | | | the couple, one parent on each side of the couple. |
| celebration of two becoming one, and most | | | | Without fail, the parents will then ask for a separate |
| weddings with a history of family divorce will be a bit | | | | photo with the couple and I'll usually do it because it |
| more complicated than one without. Not only may | | | | is quick/easy. |
| the bride/groom have to deal with emotions and | | | | - It helps to know who the divorced parents are so |
| feelings that have perhaps been buried for years, but | | | | that you don't accidentally ask them to stand |
| the divorcee's will have challenging emotions to also | | | | together! |
| address: | | | | As to the specific situation you mentioned when the |
| - perhaps the wedding will remind them of happier | | | | bride doesn't want the mother in the formal family |
| days | | | | photo - you'll have to work to make sure that |
| - perhaps seeing a former spouse at the wedding will | | | | happens without causing a situation. I would be |
| be difficult for them. | | | | careful to not announce "OK, all the Bride's family |
| If you are going to be photographing your first | | | | come up now" because the mother will likely come at |
| wedding and will have divorced parents in attendance, | | | | that time. I would specifically call up those that are |
| my first bit of advice is to be sensitive.Don't make a | | | | needed. |
| bad situation worse! | | | | Depending upon how obvious you were being with |
| Secondly: map out all the formal photos and | | | | the photography you could call up some, take the |
| groupings ahead of time. | | | | shot, then add the mother in and take another shot. |
| This is the practical approach I take at a wedding | | | | The bride could then choose which photo she |
| that involves divorced parents: | | | | wanted to have printed later on. |
| - I'm there for the bride and groom. The parents | | | | In summary, the key is to know exactly who should |
| have made their decisions and have to live with them. | | | | be in which photo ahead of time and arrange the |
| If there are hard feelings and the bride/groom don't | | | | group photos so you are adding people to the |
| want photos with a certain relative, I'm not going to | | | | grouping and taking shots, and then perhaps |
| force them to. | | | | subtracting people and taking shots. |